| failure. |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|09:11 am] |
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I have never failed anything before. that's not to say that i have aced every test. i have never failed a class. today i did. but i realized something at the same time. it's not that i can't think of anything witty to say when put on the spot in tough situations, its that i'm using all my energy to stop myself from crying. its like that episode of sex and the city when samantha wants to work for that guy and he won't hire her because she's a woman. why is crying in a professional sense such a bad thing? have we actually marked tears as weakness when emotion is so powerfull everywhere else? why are certain emotions ok, but some aren't. anyways, this is what happened today. well it starts with yesterday really, i asked my friend lorrie if i could borrow all her drawings from life drawing to see what i have to do. i wanted to hand it all in next week so i could maybe pass. so last night i got a spur of confidence and will power and decided that i was going to get everything done and be able to pass and i was so excited. so then i found out that we had a drawing test today so i got up and went to class. i was early as usual and i was luckily the first and only one there with the teacher. he gave me a funny look and asked me who i was. i told him and he made a face, he asked me what i was doing there and i said that i knew i had no marks and asked if it was ok for me to hand everything in next week. he said "no. theres no way you can pass this class" "i can't even hand everything in?" "no. you've only been to two classes and in class is where we build the skills. theres no way you can pass. i want to be a nice guy, but i really can't" BULLSHIT!!! he knew who i was when i walked in that door. the entire thing was an act. if he wanted to be a nice guy, he would have been nice. there are countless other ways to go about that. argh, i hate it when people act all nice and say shit they don't mean just to make it easier on the other person, which is really only making it easier on themselves. yes, it is my fault and i am to blame for failing the class. i'm just upset on how he handled the situation and how i reacted to it (tearing up, fighting back the inevitable voice crack/choke up and smiling the whole while instead of telling him my story and how i almost didn't come back to school at all-sob story i know, and theres worse things in the world, but its my story, its what happened, and i reacted in a way that hindered my school year). I had all this unbelievable will power and the want to succeed and then i crashed. i always crash. hard and messy. i'm suprised i still haven't cried. i can feel the tears behind my eyes. stinging them in anticipation of their inevetable release. i think i'm going to have a shower and just let it out. i wish i had a stereo in the bathroom. i'd blast meatloaf and sing my little heart out at the top of my lungs. |
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| i am ZINC!!! |
[Apr. 1st, 2006|06:55 pm] |
Zn... Zinc
You scored 31 Mass, 29 Electronegativity, 64 Metal, and 0 Radioactivity! |
| You have a strong sense of the communal good and you aren't too demanding. You know better than to mess with the powers that be. You value being surronded by the right people, but don't care too much about what people beyond your group think of you. You are also the last element to be mentioned in every vitamin commercial, and have gained recognition throughout the 50+ community as the very symbol of "completeness." Hmm, you might be good at taking care of sick people, but that might be hogwash too. |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 29% on Mass |
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You scored higher than 40% on Electroneg |
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You scored higher than 76% on Metal |
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You scored higher than 0% on Radioactivity |
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| HAPPY APRIL FOOLS! |
[Apr. 1st, 2006|06:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | don't trip-lil wayne and trina | ] |
so today i decided to april fools my friends who are all away at school. so i woke up (at about 12 30, we were up late last night) and signed in to msn and invited all three of them into a conversation box. i was just going to tell them what i was going to do but the way it came out it sounded like i was going to send them an e-mail but decided to message them instead. it all worked out. so then i told them that i had gotten drunk and slept with Adam "krotch"!!!! it was awesome. one of the best jokes i've ever done. you see, we're all "inexperienced", in other words we've all got our v cards. so its quite the scandalalous conversation topic. i am actually the most scandalous one right now thanks to a little event from sometime near the beginning of school. i'm over it, almost everyone in res who found it a big deal are over it (except for bmatt who didn't find out until recently, but he still doesn't know the details and i'm not going to tell him) and i'm ok with what happened. i actually even told my sister what happened. shes a curious little bugger, plus shes all into her sexed class and being open about crap like that so i thought i'd share my story with her. awkward moment to say the least. sisterly bonding in the 24hr macdonalds drive through line (common, like me and jill would bond anywhere other than a fast food place. haha)i love my burlington girls and i'm so excited to go home for the summer. should be good. i just have to make it through this last month and pass everything. hopefully all will end well. but the real reason i started writing this is actually for the usual reason. haha chris. mother effing chris. i'm writing my art hist essay (finaly) and all i can frikken think about is him. but i don't know why. i hate going over everything thats happened and not happened with us. and i always come back to that kiss, and then all hope is gone. everything and everyone else i can forget about, but not him. thinking about him actually makes me think i'm insane. maybe i am. |
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| i am a monster, a stripper and a cutie pie |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|11:49 am] |
| Your Monster Profile | 
Wild Darkness
You Feast On: Starbucks
You Lurk Around In: Closets
You Especially Like to Torment: Your Evil Twin |
| Your Stripper Song Is | 
Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard
"Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?"
Break out the baby oil, you rock it old school. |
| Your Candy Heart Says "Cutie Pie" | 
You always seem to have a hot date, even though you never try to meet anyone.
A total charmer, you have a natural appeal that keeps you in high demand.
Your ideal Valentine's Day date: multiple dates with multiple people
Your flirting style: 100% natural
What turns you off: serious relationship talks
Why you're hot: you're totally addicting |
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| relationships vs kate.l.stewart |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ben harper-forever | ] |
i am not a serious relationship person. i am not even a very serious person to begin with. if you know me you know that i am usually making jokes or making fun of something. sarcasm is my friend. we're tight like 'lil john's braids, or dreads. whatever they are. anyways, right now i really just want a casual relationship. not like "omg, we're bf and gf! we have to do everything together!" if it progresses to that then thats cool. but i just want to get asked out on a date, and hang out. i'm so pissed that i came to college and not only did i not meet any guys that i was interested in, but i didn't get over the guy from home! if anything i like him more now than i did when i left!! and its not like we could even start anything when i get back from school b/c then i have to leave again in sept. and he's either going to be away at school somewhere or in australia! so if he wasn't up for an hour and a halfs long distance relationship i doubt he'd want one with some chick on the other side of the world! but now al of a sudden all i want is him. i'm thinking about having a serious relationship! i'm thinking about marriage!! aaaaa something is horribly wrong with me and i'm scared. looking back into my history i've always run from relationships. its like i only like the chase. once a guy likes me i turn into a sixth grader. honestly, i will run away and hide if you bring a guy over that i think is cute. i will beat your ass to get away. i don't care how close we are, i will bring the pain. obviously i have issues that lie deep.but i don't want to have issues with relationships (and guys in general) anymore. thats why i want to start slow. problem is, theres no guys at georgian. well there are tonnes. but none in my program and none that i've met. i may have to have some fun this summer and start fresh next year. hopefully theres males in my laurentian program, which reminds me i have to accept my offer of admissions. if you have any male friends you think might like me let them know!!haha
serious.
xokate |
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| LOVE AND TIME |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|04:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Smiths | ] |
I was thinking the other day. can time realy produce love? if anything you think it wouldn't. you'd think time could only bring out the worst in people. theres so many types of love. family, friends, pets, food, places and of course the love for another single person. but then, how do you know that you love them that way, and not just as a friend? I know that i probably sound like debbie downer right now, but common. how do you know? what makes you love one person more or the same as the people that gave you life? and why are we supposed to unconditionally love our famillies? not saying that i don't or that its impossible or even that theres people making us love them no matter what. i don't even know what i'm trying to say. pretty much i think i might be in love but i don't know. can you only truly experience love when that person loves you back? i think so. and what is love? can it be defined as more than an emotion that life is empty without? i hung out with chris on the weekend. i was excited to see him and it ended up somewhat sucking. the queens head had some dad's band playing who felt it was important to be disgustingly loud so we couldn't even talk. we went to erin's house after and that was alright. on the car ride home he told me i was a harsh person and that i get on his nerves sometimes. but then he was saying that he didn't want to pick up (so i read into that as meaning he isn't looking for someone which could mean a) he wants to be single right now or b) he still likes me and is waiting for me to come home) and then i was talking to him on msn and he was saying that he knows i'm a good person and at the bar we just kinda sat there looking at each other. then all day monday i pretty much thought about him. i really do like him. i don't know why. i guess i'm frustrated about not knowing why.and i know that i'm harsh to him. blah. i saved three lives yesterday and i still feel like a crappy person. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|04:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ordinary People-John Legend | ] |
open ur i-tunes and do the following!
How many songs total: 766
How many hours or days of music: 2 days
Sort by song title
First Song: 1234,1234 by Catch 22
Last Song: zombie by the Cranberries
Sort by time
Shortest Song: miss you -the fullblast
Longest Song: It's All Gonna Break- Broken Social Scene
Sort by album
First album: Wintergreen's "around and around again"
Last album: Brand New's "your favorite weapon"
Top Five Most Played Songs
1. this year's love-david grey
2. listen to your heart-DHT
3. lightness-deathcab for cutie
4. cool-gwen stefani
5. passenger seat-deathcab for cutie
First song that comes up on Shuffle:
I write sins not tragedies-panic!at the disco
1. My uncle once: had braces
2. Never in my life have I: had sex
3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile: jillian, my sister
4. High School was: pointless
5. When I'm nervous: i have to pee
6. The last time I cried was: breakdown number 2 a few weeks ago
7. If I were to get married right now: he better be frikken rich and young, other than that it ain't gonna happen anytime soon
9. My feet are: in socks and sandals
10. When I was five: i had a crush on greg white
11. Last Saturday I: went snowboarding at beaver valley with britt and lisa, had a phone interview (got the job)drank a bunch of beer, climbed a tree and hurt my knee
12. When I turn my head left, I see: my kitchen and door
13. When I turn my head right, I see: my bed, tv, and window-its hailing
14. When I look down, I see: my keyboard and the carpet
15. The craziest recent event was: getting caught and maybe being suspended then me, lisa,britt, matt and adam escaping to matts cottage and drinking ourselves stupid
16. If I was a character on 'The Sopranos' I'd be: the guy with the gun
17. By this time next year: i'll be turning 21 in a week
18. My favorite kind of tea is: Tazo passion tea
19. I have a hard time understanding: math
20. One time at a family gathering: my cousins went off the ski hill area and ended up jumping off a cliff and getting lost in the rockies
21. You know I "like" you if: oh you'll know
22. If I won an award, the first person (people) id thank is: my parents
23. Take my advice: don't snowboard while on t3s
24. My ideal breakfast is: crepes with homemade syrup and fruit
25. If you visit my hometown: i'll take you downtown and to the lake
26. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: maybe T.O to watch matt stunt (cheerleading) if not then collingwood to go snowboarding
27. If you spend the night at my house: my dog would rape you
29. The world could do without: bad people and drugs
30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: have to take this semester of art fundamentals again
31. Most recent thing you've bought yourself: a mickey of coconut rum
32. Most recent thing someone else bought you: a pair of plastic red handcuffs with hearts on them-thanks mom
33. My favorite blonde is: veronica mars haha
34. My favorite brunette/black is: J cuz hes sitting right here reading this
35. My favorite red head is: SHAUN FRIKKEN WHITE
36. And by the way: i haven't gotten out of my pjs allllll day. that means i'm going commando ladies and gentlemen
37. Last time you got high: grade 10
38. The animal I would like to see flying besides birds: ferrets
39. I shouldn't have been: not doing my homework
40. Once, at a bar/club: i busted my knee on stage, but didn't really notice cuz i had consumed too much alcohol. it hurt the next day.
41. Last night: i went to bed early
42. There's this woman I know who: is going to suspend me from school
43. This guy I know: who's an effing jerk who stands me up and doesn't follow through with his promises. *cough*chris*cough
44. My birthday is: February 23rd. so a week today i'm turning 20
1. First thing you did this morning? talked to lisa about not going to class, then talking to lisa about the school possibly being closed, then turning on the radio to find out that the school IS closed. then said goodbye and goodluck to britt for her ski race.
2. Last thing you ate? applesauce
3. Is your cell phone a piece of crap? hell yes
4. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 months? getting the eff outta here and being senior staff fo summer camp
5. What's annoying you right now? being in school
6. What's the last movie you saw in a theater? brokeback mountain
7. Do you believe in long distance relationships? sure go for it
8. When was the last time it rained? right now. freezing rain
9. Is there someone you miss? my girls, my family and my puppy-poo
10. Who was the last person you texted? alistair on lisa's phone. i told him he was ridiculous
11. If you could kill someone who would you kill? no one
12. Song that sums up your love life? damn it feels good to be a gangsta by ghetto boys. i don't know. i don't have a love life so i don't have a song.
13. Are there a few things you wish you were better at? ya, like getting shit done and snowboarding
14. If you could be anywhere this second, where would it be? snowboarding some where in the world
15. What's your most vivid memory from 7th grade? ew. having a mushroom cut, braces and acne. oh and having a crush on mark klevinas
16. Latest addiction? Veronica Mars
17. Have you ever had the urge to kill someone? no.
18. How many people would you say you are interested in? two i think. one's an ass and shouldn't be loved at all. ever.
19. What do you love doin? snowboarding and writing
20. Do you think someone thinks about you daily? of course!
21. Who was the last person you saw or talked to? j and will cuz they're in my room talking
22. What do you want to be when you grow up? filthy rich |
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| SNOW, SEX and the bachelor |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|03:01 pm] |
I am currently sitting in my messy room thinking about absolutely nothing. i just got back from my graphic design class where i spent the second half sitting with katie, lorrie, matt (creep-o) and hottie mchothot rob talking about the most random things. like ghosts and weird dreams and snowboarding and monarch butterflies and the titanic. i need to stop being mean to people that i don't really like. like matt. i was rudely mean to him and hes been nothing but nice (annoying and weird) to me. its like, if a person kind of rubs me the wrong way (i mean that metaphorically and literally) i just can't deal with them being around me. my thoughts are full of hatred things and if i talk its making fun of them. theres a LOT of snow oustide. and its pretty cold. but it would be awesome to go boarding in it. i've been thinking a lot lately about why i haven't had sex yet. its totally not that the opportunity hasn't come up, cuz if that was the case i wouldn't be typing this right now. hello! matt ward, enough said. i know i'm not waiting until marriage. not that i'm against religion or anything, its just a matter of wanting to experience things before i commit myself to one person. so what is the reason for me still having my v-card?? self esteem? do i want to wait for a relationship? am i afraid that once i have sex i'm going to go crazy and do every hot guy with a condom? these are all rhetorical questions by the way. its one of those unsolved mysteries i guess. anyways i'm hungry and i wish i had a car to go to wendys. but i can't go to wendys cuz i'm trying to go a month w/o aspartame or fast food. so far i'm doing ok. i don't know how long its going to last.the other night we were watching the bachelor in my room and will said that we should have one at georgian, which would actually be pretty fun. but then he said that i should compete. i then explained to my good friend that i am not one that would do well on that kind of show. "i'm the kind of girl that grows on you" i explained, will then made some sort of comment on tumors growing which i laughed at. will's funny in a mean/loving way.anyways thats all i've got for today.
xokate |
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| TEQUILLA + GIRL'S WEEKEND |
[Feb. 6th, 2006|11:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | build god-then we'll talk-PANIC! at the disco | ] |
so this weekend we had a girl's weekend. just me, britt lisa and heather. well heather was only here on saturday night but thats when most of the fun starts anyways. so we went to the mall (bought nothing) and then decided to go to philthy's for dinner. heather met us at res and we left. dinner was fun, we ordered a bunch of appetizers and watched american pie, i forgot how funny that movie is. so then we got back to res and decided to drink some tequilla and play card games. tequilla turns britt into a lesbo and makes me really hyper. needless to say we had a good night. eventually kyle, ben, matt and allistair joined us and theres pictures and videos of the night. i'm not going to go into any great detail but the night was wild and we didn't get to bed until around 4 or 5. none of us had a hangover the next day which was amazing. we're going to britts cottage this weekend and i'm really looking forward to it. i have a phone interview at 12 for senior staff at sac and then next thursday erin and (maybe) chris are coming up and we're gonna party and go boarding on friday. now if only i could get my work done... |
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| breakdown #2 |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|01:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | long time coming-the delays | ] |
yea. i can't do this. i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know what i want or what to do to get to it. theres so many options how am i supposed to pick just one to be the rest of my life. i know i have to do research but the more i research the more i get discouraged. its like ok, i'm interested in media studies. well its not just media studies. its different programs that are related to media studies and then its schools that i don't want to go to and then i decide to try a different program that interests me but it won't get me a career i'm interested in. i hate it.why can't i just fall into a career that i love. it worked with joelles. but then i messed it up. i'm so sick of making the wrong descisions. maybe i need to move away. who am i kidding i can't survive on my own in a foreign country. or maybe i just need to prove to myself that i can. i never thought that i would be one of the kids that gets messed up by school. i'm strong and independant.maybe i should have dropped out and just worked. theres not much going on here. my social life should start taking a backseat anyways. i remember last year second semester i was so independent and strong. i was alone other than heather and sometimes kalan and andy but i liked it. i was finally me. and then i came here and everything changed. i'm not happy. i've turned into an unhappy person. why.how does school completely deteriorate people. maybe i should just drop some classes. i obviously can't handle it. no matter how many times i talk myself into working hard and getting things together i always get so easily unhinged and go back to messing things up. i'm behind in most of my classes and i actually don't care. i know i can change my attitude and turn myself around but i'm sick of failing at it and i don't know how to suceed and i don't know how to ask for help, i'm so afraid of everything. everything thats important in life terrifies me and i build up things that shouldn't be important. i want to be able to do this more than anything. but i really don't think i can, and it kills me to give up. i don't understand how i'm supposed to know what i want. i don't want a career i want a life. i want to live. but i don't want some crap job that doesn't require an education. i'm better than that. is it bad that right now the only i want to do is cut down on my classes and live at the gym and get my life together. there are some classes that i really love, and the gym is really inexpensive but i don't have the time to go with my course load, and i have resources and people to help me figure things out in the resource centre. i just really don't know what to do. but i can't give up. i won't give up. i just have to find a way to get things together. |
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| I Hate Being a Girl.....and stuff |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|10:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
right now i really hate me and everyone around me. it might have something to do with me pmsing plus me being extremely stressed out and pissed off to begin with. i don't want to be touched, i don't want to talk to anyone, i don't want people in my room, i don't want to be here. i hate it. i was going to go on about all the other symptoms but theres really no point. i mean, common, my uterus lining is shedding.i want to get out of here so badly. i want to know what i want, but in life i've heard that once you know what you want you're too old to use it. maybe i just need to get laid. |
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| school = DEATH |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|10:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ladyflash-the GO! team | ] |
weeeeeeeell. its the new year. let's re-cap the events of 2005.
make-out session with an underage boy leading me on the path to cougar-hood-1.
swims in lake ontario, at night or otherwise-1.
make out session with ex boyfriend in said lake-1.
classes failed, then not failed discovered through classroom embarassment in front of new classmates including the 2 only hot guys in the program-1.
new friends made- a lot
breakdowns the day of moving back into res.-1
regrets-0
i don't know where i'm going in life. i know i'm not the only one, i know i'll get through it and its not the end of the world. i know things will get better but sometimes its just hard to see the goodness to come. if nothing else this year has been quite a learning experience about myself. i got two tests done after i bawled my eyes out because i didn't want to come back to school. one was to determine my personality type, the other to help discover what i like to do and what type of careers i would be well suited for. anyways its helped a lot. i'm still figuring stuff out but it always comes down to me staying here and finishing. i don't know whats going to happen but i'm excited about the future and researching careers. blah. |
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| My New Crush is a T.V Show |
[Dec. 10th, 2005|01:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Idlewild-when i get mad i see shapes | ] |
Veronica Mars has to be one of my new favorite tv shows. Lisa has the entire first season on dvd. 22 episodes. i finished school on thursday (dec.8) it wasn't my last class but i didn't have anything due. i was running on about an hours sleep and i just wanted to nap for the rest of the day. the feeling of having nothing to do is rather overwhelming. so lisa wanted to watch a movie and i chose veronica mars. so then we spent 12 hours watching it. we started just after noon and watched until 6 when lisa had an exam so me britt and adogg slept in her bed. then we went to wendys at around 830. got back at 10. played outside in the snow until 12. then watched the hitchhiker's guide in the common room and then britt, lisa, kyle and i started up the veronica mars machine. the machine is very powerfull i tell you. we stayed up until 630 watching it. then we watched more of it today. i think we have maybe 2 or three episodes left. anyways i love it and i'm addicted. also, hitchhiker's is an awesome movie and i love it aswell. so playing in the snow was fun. we threw a football around and filmed britt and i doing stupid things like summersaulting down hills and running into pine trees. ok so after we were all back inside sitting on the couches, matt came in and stood (towered) over where i was sitting on the couch and he kinda held my hands, then when the movie was over, he went down the line and said goodbye to everyone, i was the first one he hugged! but i dunno. theres something about him that i really really like, and i feel comfertable around him, and obviously safe. i think for now i'll stick with my tv boyfriend. other than that i'm pissed cuz lisa went to have dinner with adogg at like, 6ish and we were gonna finish veronica mars tonight cuz i'm going home tomorrow. its now past one am. i'm in withdrawl. i'm not taking it well.
xokate |
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| Last Night at the TLC |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | almost home time!! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mines not a high horse-the shins | ] |
so last night was the last night of the Steve and Chris show at the TLC and pretty much everyone that i'm friends with (that are of age anyways)went. me lisa, britt, kort,anna, heather, april (unfortunately) allistair and matt all sat at one table. now before i tell the rest of the story i'm going to say this. i got really really intoxicated and most of what the rest of this entry is going to be are things that people have told me over the coarse of today. ok so we get to the bar. i downed two beers before we left so i was off to a good start. i then bought a pitcher that was shared but i pretty much drank it all. i had two chugging contests with will (i lost time wise but the fact that i was waaaaay more intoxicated by the end of the night makes me the winner, considering also that i only spent $10) so then i think i had a few more cups. the music was awesome, we were all yelling out requests, they played the darkness, pictures were taken etc etc. now the fun begins when britt gets up and april leaves, opening up spots across from lisa, allistair and matt. so eventually i end up across from matt. britt has cut me off but matt hands me a cup of rickards red (nasty ass stuff, never drink it) so i chugged that and blacked out. i do not remember much after that. except that matt slapped me. don't worry, he didn't mean to and he felt absolutely awfull. plus like, 5 people pounded him for it and he let me slap him back. we were doing the dave chapelle rick james crap and he did the "5 fingers" joke and i moved in as he swung. i think i got a kiss on the cheeck in apology. and a HUGE long hug today. anyways, aparently matt and i continued to drink about 2 more pitchers, matt sneaking me cups when britt wasn't looking. we all got really drunk and it was a super night. so i didn't do anything too stupid, i made it to my class today and i didn't get a hangover. but will was trying to get into my pants. matt (my new best friend, drinking buddy and Knight in shinning armour) didn't let him and walked me back to rez and my room. somehow i got mascara all over my face (????)but i had an awesome night and the pics will soon be on my msn myspace. theres a formal coming up after christmas. maybe lisa and adogg'll go and maybe matt and i can be dates.....just as friends. i don't want to make this anything thats its not. trying to bust that bad habit.
xokate |
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| Christmas Vacation |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|02:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a million ways-OK GO | ] |
yessssss. i'm going home on saturday! i'm so frikken excited you can't even know!! i finally have a hair appointment on the 23rd so no more gross hair! i think i might cry tho. my hair's gotten so long. it actually gets stuck in my armpits! haha! but its so dead and ratty at the ends. so it'll be good to grow it our healthy. i don't know if i want to dye it now tho. cuz if i get it cut off to the point that i want i might be rid of all the blonder colouring. we'll see. Lisa got back last night and i saw her for maybe 5 min. and i haven't seen her at all today. but i have the day off but i had to be in the editing room at 720 this morning. which would explain why i came back here at 11 and slept until 130. lisa told me about a dream she had the other night where matt and i made out on a couch. so now i have that idea stuck in my head and i think i've now formed a crush on him. stupid lisa mind tricks! so last night he went to pick up lisa with adogg and i got him to pick me up wendys and he did and he got some for himself too. so we were sitting on my bed and i was eating my fries and i had one in my mouth and he went to take it out with his mouth and i was like "oh my god, hes going to kiss me" and he would have if i hadn't sucked that little tater into my mouth and offered him the ones i had in my hand. but my plan is to go out with them to the tlc tomorrow night and see what happens when we're intoxicated.....
xokate |
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| one semester down... |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|01:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | of school and res life | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Morcheeba-The Sea | ] |
and one to go. and yet i think i have less of an idea of what i want to do then when i moved up here. i've made some awesome friends but life is so different from what i've known and what i expected of school. Britt and Lisa are definetely my best friends up here. i've gone home with lisa twice to goderich and its awesome out there. it makes me really want to be a country girl. and britt lives in burlington and i've been to her house briefly where i discovered the twilight zone of her room which is NOTHING like her personality. well it is but its a side that we don't see here at school. but they're awesome friends and i love them to death. then theres ben. at first i had a total crush on him but he was totally into britt. but then we got really close and were best friends. i def. thought he was really important to me at one point, and he still kinda is. but right now hes really getting on my nerves, hes really getting on everyone's nerves. but his roomate allistair (adogg as i apptly named him) is dating lisa now so i'm becomming closer to him which is adding more tension because adogg and ben don't really get along. but ben's really sensitive and doesn't do anything to solve problems. and he barfs on his bed and then doesn't clean it up *gag*. we have really different views and we get into heated discussions a lot which he sees as fights, then he thinks that i'm mad at him and gets really upset about it. anyways. i'm keeping my distance from him. hopefully after christmas things will be different. so then theres this guy adam. i fooled around with him near the beggining of school (and immediately regretted it) but now we're good friends to the point where he calls me "babe" and "sweetheart" and we have this joke where we went from being in "like" of each other and then we moved to love, but decided that we were moving too fast (about 30 min) so we went to "abitiously fond" of each other. hes a total cutie and i have such a crush on him, but nothing's going to happen. hes such a dear tho. and then theres big matt. a 210 pound cheerleader from brampton who's tall and hairy and blunt cute. hes totally not my type but hes cute and can pick me up so i'm sold! haha. in all reality tho, i'm just trying to cover up the fact that i'm still not over chris. an update on that since it's been awhile. i went home and we hung out. nothing happened, we didn't talk about us, he hugged me at the end, said he'd call. never called. then i talked to him on msn and asked him to explain his actions and he didn't, all he said was that it seemed perfect, well actually he said "why do you think" AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa. that boy drives me insane. its such a rollercoasteride. i want to stop likeing him but i just can't. but it hurts so much not being with him. and i'm so mad at him. so mad. i just have to let the anger take over any other feelings for him. his excuses for what he did don't help either. it was basically that if i wasn't in barrie we'd be together. thats what i got out of it. idiot idiot idiot. anyways. i'm pretty sure i'm going to fail at least one class. i had a 38 at midterm. but this coming week is my last week and i'm soooo frikken excited about christmas. but i'm going to miss my barrie girls. well lisa, cuz britts in b-town. but i get to see my sisterhood girls and i miss them more. anyways, i'm on adoggs computer so i should get off it, plus i think this is long and boring enough. i'll update this more often next semester cuz my life up here is pretty entertaining at most!
xokate |
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| First Day of College.......... |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|11:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Foo Fighters-Aucoustic disc | ] |
and i blew it. my first class. and i missed it!! hahahahahaha. such a kate thing to do. but no worries. lisa has the same class (as i later found out when i called her to tell her what i did) so shes gonna give me her notes. other than that i had two other classes as wednesdays are my busiest. my drawing class looks like it will be fun. the teacher is this young big tough looking guy but he's really fun. i made a new frind in the class. her names alex and shes 23. she lives in barrie and she liked the band doris day so i think we might go check them out when they play around town. then a really really cute guy sat next to me. we chatted a bit. i told him he was going to fail the class and he told me the hand i drew was really scary looking. to get the whole story about this just ask me. then i had leadership. my teacher is crazy. shes ex-military and she began the class by telling us about her alcoholic father and her mom that ignored her. i talked to a girl as we were leaving the class but i didn't get her name. then i met two girls from res that have the same class on the walk back. tiffany and jenna or jenny. i don't remember. then lisa and i watched a movie in her room. then paul wanted us to go out to the bar. so he started drinking and lisa and i ended up in our pjs and paul ended up playing xbox drunk in his empty roomates room. hahahahaha. oh paul. oh yeah. i was telling him how hairy and gross he is and how he should shave or wax (the hair escapes out the front AND back of his shirt collar-eww) soooo he shaved some sample areas to see how it grows back. it's like a full body sweater, its not just a scarf beard anymore. i have an early class tomorrow and i don't want to miss it. xokate |
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| my new home |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|11:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
ok so i moved in today. i wasn't excited or nervous. but within a few hours i wanted to go home. i didn't know anyone except paul, my roomate is a little hoochie mama with babyPHAT gear and tight lowrider jeans. i've maybe spoken to her for a collective amount of an hour. she dumped off her stuff then went to hang out with her boyfriend who lives down the road. shes staying over there tonight. whatever. my res person sucks. theres a few cute guys on the floor. but i was so scared and confused and i just wanted my friends here and i wanted to talk to someone i knew and it was just so terrifying. i've never actually been on my own. i have to pay for things on my own. my parents aren't here and i actually miss them more than i thought i would. i just wanted to cry. so at the floor meeting i forced myself to talk to people. the first girl i talked to only laughed at what i said. and then i gave up. girls suck anyways. so i hung out with paul. then at the second floor meeting i met some girls. lisa lives down the hall and shes really cool. her roomate is japanese and isn't there so we're gonna hang out a lot. then i had some drinks, got couragous and started talking to people. i have guys on all three sides. one being a crazy pot smoking frenchie who offered me private french tutoring. then i did some kareoke and then went to a gathering on my floor where i met some cute guys. a 17 yr old named Ben who plays hockey and a race car driver named Krotch who gave me a bunch of hugs. and a girl named laura who didn't let me out of her sight. but the day defiantely took a turn for the awesome and i'm doing better than earlier. i miss everyone way too much to survive much longer in this state. and i'm still really pissed about what (did and didn't) happen with chris. but i'm gonna try to let it slide. theres a lot of cute guys to distract me. but i'd love to come home and be able to call him and just talk. i miss that. us just talking. *sigh* i miss everything right now. but not my roomate. haha. |
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